


it's not your fault

by tamacchannn (niedlichta)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual!Kageyama, I'm Sorry, M/M, and what the title is so lame omg, rating is only for nudity hints tbh, this is actually a part of 30 days challenge but I backed out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-29
Updated: 2014-08-29
Packaged: 2018-02-15 07:16:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2220312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niedlichta/pseuds/tamacchannn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama blames himself for not responding the way he should be from Hinata’s touches.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's not your fault

“I’m _so_ sorry.”

It’s weighing down his heart. All of this doesn’t makes sense, even to himself. Why can’t he feel anything. Why can’t he feel that burning desire everyone was talking about. Why can’t he bring himself to do that when he knows, unquestionably, that he loves Hinata.

He loves Hinata very much.

 _So why can’t he do this_.

“Hey, it’s okay,” hearing those words makes him wants to cry. Of course it’s not okay. No way. “It’s… not your fault. Really!”

“Of course it’s my fault,” he still can’t bring himself to meet Hinata’s eyes. He’s angry and ashamed, not at Hinata, but more at himself. He doesn't even know why he's just... he's just not interested. Not at Hinata, no. But... he just. Feels repulsed. Whenever he think that he have to touch... down below... and having it touched. Even though it's Hinata. The one he's supposed to be in love with. The one he _is_ _in love_ with.

“Hey,” he hears Hinata drops his t-shirt again on the floor, abandoning it just like five minutes ago, when things are getting heated up, but now rather than husky voice he hears soothing one. The bed creaks up when the smaller boy scooted closer to him, and then he’s there, rubbing Kageyama’s shoulder in a careful motion that he’s never done on court. “It’s not your fault, okay? I’m no expert at this, but even I know that sex isn’t everything in a relationship. You don’t have to blame yourself for not wanting it.”

Kageyama feels a flash of anger before snapping at his lover.

“But you want it! Everyone wants it! That’s like, practically what people our age talks about every single time, right? So why can’t I want it?”

He knows he can’t just yell at Hinata, he’s done nothing wrong, but Kageyama’s head filled with fog and sorrow and he knows when he gazes into Hinata’s eyes he will see those hazels filled with disappointment and in the next days it will be filled with fake happiness, and, and he will continue to say that it’s okay, he doesn’t want sex anyway, but inside he’s really really bored of Kageyama and it’s only a matter of time that he will say, Kageyama, I found this girl that can fullfil my needs, let’s break up—

“You know, Kageyama, for such a genius prodigy, you’re such a dumbass.”

Wait what.

He looks up, gazing to those eyes that always make his stomach do that weird fluttering and find no disappointment. Hinata’s eyes filled with amusement and understanding and love, he actually feels dizzy. Warmth spreading through his insides, when the middle blocker cups his cheeks and gives him a soft kiss on his chapped lips.

“No one can ‘fullfil my needs’ except you, Kageyama,” he chuckles. Oh no. Has he actually say those things out loud? Kageyama drown himself in the tangled sheets. “Hey, don’t hide yourself like that!”

“Please leave me alone to suffocate and die.”

“Aww, you’re embarrassed? That’s cute!”

“Let me kill you before I kill myself.”

He’s embarrassed and pissed but Hinata’s laughter is contagious, and his lips twitch without him realized. He pulls Hinata to join him and the red-haired boy gives a surprised yelp before laughing harder and wrapping him in a warm hug.

The humor stays in the air for some time, but it slowly fades out and Hinata calms down after a few of quiet chuckles. He nuzzles Kageyama’s neck, giving slow kisses here and there, making Kageyama sighs contently, before saying this in an uncharacteristically calm voice.

“I am serious, you know. I want no one else besides you,” he looks up and Kageyama feels captured by his gaze, serious but not chilly, not like those times when Hinata’s focused on winning, but still have the same effect on him. “I don’t think I’ll get bored just because we can’t have sex! I love you and I know I’ll continue to do so forever. So don’t think that you’re wrong for not being able to do that, yeah?”

The setter feels something warm creeps out from his chest, reaches his eyes, and stings them. It’s not fair to Hinata, it’s not fair, but can he really think that this is how a relationship should be? He buries his face in strands of messy red hair, let his tears fall down, and God, he really loves this guy to death.

He cries himself to sleep, and Hinata just holds him right there, skin to skin with no heat, just pure affection, and everything in the world feels right in that moment.

**Author's Note:**

> psst in the morning Hinata has a hard on and he apologizes to Kageyama and explaining but Kageyama just turns bright red and said it’s ok it’s not like you can help it and you don’t force me to do anything and I understand that (just like how you understand me) and Hinata stutters, turns bright red too, before apologizing again and hurrying to the bathroom.
> 
> .  
> .
> 
> This is actually prompted as naked kiss, but I have a headcanon that Kageyama is ace, so. And this is actually a second part for a 30 days challenge but I'm a loser who still can't write things not according to her headcanon so I backed out ;w; 
> 
> Thank you for reading!!


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